Melissa:
I like this. I’d suggest cutting out the “the” in both the first and second lines. Try to make your haiku as succinct as possible.
Best,
Charlotte
Bill, it’s good to see you whenever you drop by. And I always appreciate whatever words of wisdom (or entertainment) you have for me. Enjoy all your activities — I wish my life sounded nearly as fun as yours does these days.
I agree with Bill, superb juxtaposition – I like how delicate the image is, but also, they way the idea of the frost & ghosts suck the warmth from the clothes.
Thanks, Ash. I have had some nice responses to this one both on- and offline, it’s interesting to see what kinds of chords it strikes for people. One friend commented that it made him feel homesick, but in a good way. I can see that as I always experience my most intense nostalgia at the change of seasons.
Melissa:
I like this. I’d suggest cutting out the “the” in both the first and second lines. Try to make your haiku as succinct as possible.
Best,
Charlotte
Thanks for the suggestion, Charlotte.
An effective juxtaposition. Charlotte’s suggestion is worth considering; of course, succinctness may not be what you’re going for.
My comments are infrequent these days, because of foreign and domestic travel, film festivals, grandchildren, and stuff like that.
Bill, it’s good to see you whenever you drop by. And I always appreciate whatever words of wisdom (or entertainment) you have for me. Enjoy all your activities — I wish my life sounded nearly as fun as yours does these days.
I agree with Bill, superb juxtaposition – I like how delicate the image is, but also, they way the idea of the frost & ghosts suck the warmth from the clothes.
Thanks, Ash. I have had some nice responses to this one both on- and offline, it’s interesting to see what kinds of chords it strikes for people. One friend commented that it made him feel homesick, but in a good way. I can see that as I always experience my most intense nostalgia at the change of seasons.