May 11: 2-7: Indecision

rain all night
dreams full of
punctuation

I wrote ten haiku this morning that all started with the line “rain all night.” (It rained all night.) I didn’t like most of them very much. The one above was the one I liked the most. Here are a few of the others — if you like one of them better (or at all), feel free to let me know. And why.

rain all night
sun in the morning —
disappointment

rain all night
muffles early birdsong
silence in my dreams

rain all night
dreams fill up
with oceans

rain all night
is this what
drowning feels like

rain all night
throat so dry
I can’t swallow

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3 thoughts on “May 11: 2-7: Indecision

  1. I like both the dreams of punctuation and the dreams filled with ocean. They convey rain intruding on the sleeper’s mind.

    I’d have to say, though, I lean toward the punctuation. For me, it calls to mind the tapping sound of rain.

  2. Thanks for your comments, Steve and Elizabeth. Steve — that was exactly my intent when I wrote the punctuation line. I do like the surprisingness of that word in that context. I wish I could find unexpected comparisons like that more often, because that kind of readjustment of one’s vision of the world is to me what poetry is all about. I guess part of what I am trying to achieve with this project is a rewiring of my brain so that I am more able to make those kind of intuitive leaps.

    I do think the image of dreams filling up with oceans is nice, but maybe not much more than that. It’s more obvious and conventional. Still, I think it was a necessary stop on my way to the version I prefer, which is why I keep on trying to write multiple versions of haiku with the same opening line, making as many associations I can in hopes that one of them will turn out to be something special.

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