Fantastic suggestions all, Alan. I so appreciate your expert input and am flattered you are taking the time to consider my ku so seriously!
When I posted this ku on my Facebook page I took your first revision suggestion, but I think all three suggestions make the ku stronger.
Red Dragonfly 
Great! And very atmospheric.
Maybe drop the “ing” to make it even more immediate?
brown water
a child bends
to fish for bottles
or
brown water
a child bends to fish
for bottles
or
brown water a child bends to fish for bottles
Just a thought! 😉
Alan, With Words
Fantastic suggestions all, Alan. I so appreciate your expert input and am flattered you are taking the time to consider my ku so seriously!
When I posted this ku on my Facebook page I took your first revision suggestion, but I think all three suggestions make the ku stronger.