December 5: My true love said

if you unbuttoned me the shivering of the rain

.

.*

.

something white in the distance you promise me birches

.

*

.

only your word for it growing marigolds from seed

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7 thoughts on “December 5: My true love said

  1. antantantantant says:

    Melissa,

    These are very striking. Meanings that waver around the concrete but dissipate when you close in on them. An indeterminance that is still very solid. The first one in particular, with its subtle metaphorical images. The person who is unbuttoned. The rain that is shivering. The person becomes objectified. The rain becomes subjectified. Yet there is the barest of motion in this transformation. Here we are enticed into a number of images that keep the poem moving without settling into some expected message.

    Great to come across your site. Please check out ant ant ant ant ant.

    • Thank you so much for your extremely thoughtful and thought-provoking commentary. I am very flattered. I must say that my own thoughts about my poetry are far less articulate than this, but it’s gratifying to have it taken so seriously by someone who clearly knows what they are talking about.

      I am not only familiar with but a big fan of ant ant ant ant ant … in fact I could swear I had a link to it in my blogroll, I wonder if I deleted it by accident?

      Thanks, too, for linking to me…I’m in excellent company, I see. Flattered, again …

      Do you mind my asking how you discovered me?

      • Melissa,

        Found your work by accident. Often the best way to do so.

        Glad you found the feedback thought-provoking. I often feel that the more one says about a haiku the less it says about itself, but still can’t resist commenting sometimes. I try to stay away from meanings, that’s up to the reader not the critic, and focus on dynamics. How does the poem does what it’s doing.

        I would rather, though, just say something like “those are awesome poems,” but then that’s too easy and doesn’t mean as much to the author.

        I’m excited to be introduced to your work.

        See you on the radio,

        Chris Gordon

        • Well, I’m really glad you didn’t just say “Those are awesome poems,” welcome as that would also be to hear … I try to avoid leaving generic comments like that too, but am woefully bad most of the time at identifying what exactly it is in a poem that I appreciate. I’m a little bit in awe of anyone who can articulate it so well.

          Very, very glad to have you as a reader.

          Melissa

  2. Pingback: if you | R'r Blog

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