(mice)

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mice
beneath the floorboards …
all her small noises

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Honorable Mention, Robert Spiess Memorial Haiku Award Competition, 2011

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9 thoughts on “(mice)

    • Thanks, Margaret, Alegria, Wrick…

      “Both personal and impersonal.” Hmmm, yes. Most of my ku are that actually — even when they appear to be personal they generally don’t really have anything to do with me, so even if they say “I” they’re more a commentary on the human condition than mine.

      • yeah. i’ve learned that about your ku – that “I” doesnt necessarily mean you personally.

        in this ku you use “her” – that’s the difference for me. when you use “I” i have to think in terms of the writer being that person. if what is said indicates it’s made up, that’s one thing. if it’s reasonably possible, that’s another thing.

        so for you to use “her” here – that was a surprise for me – and in this case i could easily take it both ways – the writer referring to herself in the third person – which is often done – or as the omnipotent observer. i liked that.

        knowing you, i understand your use of I. but i have to know you to know that.

        just my quirk. no worries. the good side for me is that you’ve altered my thinking about “personal” ku. i may not write personal ku often – but occasionally now i do. and i like that. breaking my unbreakables. bwahahahahaha. way cool.

        clay work
        broken quietly in the garden
        anger drains away

        • Hmmm. I don’t know, Wrick, I think that not just for me, but for most writers (of creative writing, not journalism), it’s really not safe to assume that any “I” in their writing is the author. It may be, and then again it may not. Probably most of the time it’s safer to assume it’s not, and just regard the work impersonally, as literature (such as it may be) instead of a biographical statement. (Not that I haven’t been guilty of going, “Hey, there’s some juicy gossip!” when I read my friends’ ku…but then I scold myself for making unwarranted assumptions.)

          • aloha Melissa – yeah. i think you’re right. i’ll have to recalibrate my creative writing category perameters. i can see how that applies with story and fiction of all kinds.

            poetry some how got placed into a slightly different area of creative writing. and haiku too.

            wow. now i can see the line i drew but i can see where it falls short as well – and isnt quite accurate.

            i think it’s partly a remnant of my outdated thinking. i was never educated for this world. i need to update. do you have an app for new-think brain uploads?

            clarity. i need clarification that is transparent. yeah, you’re right. cool. i just have to lock it in now.

            i in poetry is not necessarily the i of the writer.

            bwahahahaha okay. i’ll see if that downloaded properly. …over the next few months, weeks, days, hours, moments… or. until i need a new dowwnload. which ever comes first. ha. – bwahahahaha.

            thanks for taking the time to spell it out for me, Melissa. donk, yeah, i need that thunk over the skull sometimes, you know. bwahahaha – cool. aloha.

            *note:
            all of the i characters in this post may not necessarily represent the writer. ever. bwahahahaha. english is such an ephemeral world sometimes.. wait. or should that be A ephemeral world… bwahahahaha – nah. fun. aloha.

            • Well, I’m certainly glad I’ve inculcated the correct attitude into you, Daddario. 🙂 I hope I didn’t come across as too didactic…

              “I was never educated for this world.” Oh, me neither, Wrick. Me neither. I think that’s a good thing.

  1. Alegria Imperial says:

    Wow! Melissa, congrats! Next will be a first prize, soon! A great haiku, of course. So compact yet so wide in sense. Thanks for sharing it. Proud to be here.

  2. very cool ku. it’s both personal and not personal. …in a third person sort of way. . . congratulations Melissa.

    a night breeze
    through the open door
    a mouse

    bwahahaahaha – i almost used something like that for one of your prompts. …so this isnt exactly a spontaneous one. more like the core of something i remembered.

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