.
early dark the moon sits in his chair alone
.
That’s the way I wrote it over at Haiku Bandit Society for the September Moon Viewing Party. (Which, by the way? The harvest moon seems to have made everyone a little crazy with inspiration. There’s some great stuff over there this month. Both haiku and Willy’s photos of his life out on the plains.) But I think I might like it better this way:
.
early dark
the moon sits in his chair
alone
.
Which seems a little more…lonely. Maybe. What do you think?
.
You can’t see the moon very well on my street because of all the tall trees. I went out last night and found the one gap in the trees that allows you to see the whole moon at once, and tried to take a picture of it. (I’m pretty sure my neighbors might have thought I was trying to take a picture through the windows of their house.) I think I’ll stick to moon haiku.
.
moonrise
moths rise
from the flour
.
moonrise
kneading bread
in a new bowl
.
moonrise
warm bread
and chilled butter
..
Red Dragonfly 
Melissa, I think the three-line version is much better. It mimics aloneness better. And the half-meanings from line to line, and in combination, unlock multiple meanings.
Thanks for the perceptive comment, Michael.
early
dark moon alone
in his chair
~~ Hi, Melissa…. Hope you don’t mind if I have some fun with this??? 🙂
earlydarkmoon aloneinhischair
~~ brainstorming…. one never knows what will come out of it….
Always fun to see you playing, Merrill!
You have my mouth watering at the smell of your newly baked bread! It’s been a long time since I had space enough to make my own bread, and boy to I miss it! MMMMMMMMMMMMMGOOD!
I only wish the bread were real and not imaginary. 😉
the moon shines on alone
Well, we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun…
I prefer the monostitch version better. The words sound better with no breaks and the concept predominates. In the 3 line version the image eclipses (sorry) everything else.
Robert
Thanks for your feedback, Robert.
reveals our different impressions. I also like best
early dark
the moon sits in his chair
alone
That seems to be the consensus!
I prefer the 3 line version with “alone” all alone on the last line.
You make me want some of that warm bread and butter.
Adelaide
Ah, me too, Adelaide! I have to stop writing poetry that’s wishful thinking. 🙂
An uptick in anthropomorphic prose on haiku sites lately. Have you noticed?
No, but do tell, Mr. Sorlien. And is this a bad thing in your mind?
aloha Melissa
I prefer this alternative version of “early dark” – but then you know how slow I can be.
I see how there is more loneliness in this version however I do not find the ku itself lonely. for me there is a distinct difference between being alone and loneliness. this ku for me has aloneness in it but not loneliness. I suspect that is more dependent on a personal level tho. …which may be what all ku is for me too.
sheesh. the more I read this ku the more companionship I find in it. I liked it at the moon viewing party and I like it now too. it is very pleasant company.
…as for moon photos and houses… yeah I have to be very careful about that too. I try to carry with me cards with my dotcom and email on them and when someone approaches me, or when I think some one might become suspicious about what I’m doing, I approach them and talk about haiku and image etc. then offer them a card so they can see what I do.
recently I saw an old frame leaning against a trash bin. wow did I want to photograph that – heck, I wanted the frame itself too. so I went up to the door and knocked. explained. gave them my card. the woman had seen me before with my camera – it’s one of my usual walking routes. she said she though maybe I was some kind of handy man. bwahahaha, no, I’m not that handy. I did get the frame tho. I carried it through two different stores and all the way back to my studio – maybe a mile or two over about 2-3 hours. ..taking photos of it on the way. I have plans for the photos and future ideas for more with that frame too.
in all of that I was alone. I wasn’t lonely tho. I was having fun. fun on. I like that. aloha
P.S. – shine on too. … like the moon and the stars and the sun…
yeah. aloha
P.P.S.S. – when you need a photo of the moon, let me know. I might have one. aloha. again.
Hey, thanks, Rick. Good advice about the cards. I’m pretty psyched about my business cards from work, they have my job title on them which is… “Writer.” Which is awesome.