shine on

.

early dark the moon sits in his chair alone

.

That’s the way I wrote it over at Haiku Bandit Society for the September Moon Viewing Party. (Which, by the way? The harvest moon seems to have made everyone a little crazy with inspiration. There’s some great stuff over there this month. Both haiku and Willy’s photos of his life out on the plains.) But I think I might like it better this way:

.

early dark
the moon sits in his chair
alone

.

Which seems a little more…lonely. Maybe. What do you think?

.

You can’t see the moon very well on my street because of all the tall trees. I went out last night and found the one gap in the trees that allows you to see the whole moon at once, and tried to take a picture of it. (I’m pretty sure my neighbors might have thought I was trying to take a picture through the windows of their house.) I think I’ll stick to moon haiku.

.

moonrise
moths rise
from the flour

.

moonrise
kneading bread
in a new bowl

.

moonrise
warm bread
and chilled butter

..

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20 thoughts on “shine on

  1. Michael Nickels-Wisdom says:

    Melissa, I think the three-line version is much better. It mimics aloneness better. And the half-meanings from line to line, and in combination, unlock multiple meanings.

  2. I prefer the monostitch version better. The words sound better with no breaks and the concept predominates. In the 3 line version the image eclipses (sorry) everything else.
    Robert

  3. aloha Melissa

    I prefer this alternative version of “early dark” – but then you know how slow I can be.

    I see how there is more loneliness in this version however I do not find the ku itself lonely. for me there is a distinct difference between being alone and loneliness. this ku for me has aloneness in it but not loneliness. I suspect that is more dependent on a personal level tho. …which may be what all ku is for me too.

    sheesh. the more I read this ku the more companionship I find in it. I liked it at the moon viewing party and I like it now too. it is very pleasant company.

    …as for moon photos and houses… yeah I have to be very careful about that too. I try to carry with me cards with my dotcom and email on them and when someone approaches me, or when I think some one might become suspicious about what I’m doing, I approach them and talk about haiku and image etc. then offer them a card so they can see what I do.

    recently I saw an old frame leaning against a trash bin. wow did I want to photograph that – heck, I wanted the frame itself too. so I went up to the door and knocked. explained. gave them my card. the woman had seen me before with my camera – it’s one of my usual walking routes. she said she though maybe I was some kind of handy man. bwahahaha, no, I’m not that handy. I did get the frame tho. I carried it through two different stores and all the way back to my studio – maybe a mile or two over about 2-3 hours. ..taking photos of it on the way. I have plans for the photos and future ideas for more with that frame too.

    in all of that I was alone. I wasn’t lonely tho. I was having fun. fun on. I like that. aloha

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