So I’m not sure how I never quite knew this before but it turns out that if you decide you have to write you actually can. I told myself I had to write something on the blog every day in February and every. single. day. in February I opened up my laptop and felt utterly barren. I mean I had NOTHING TO SAY. Every single day I thought, damn, this is it, the day I fail completely to write because there is absolutely nothing in my head, I have no ideas, I’m a creative failure and also probably any day now I’ll become an alcoholic even though I can hardly stand the taste of any form of alcohol. It was the most horrible feeling, EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I’m sorry to be yelling but really I cannot emphasize this enough. There was nothing, nada, zilch in my head and I felt blah and dead and worthless and then…I mean sometimes after a couple of hours of sitting there in front of the blankity-blank laptop feeling like that, but refusing, like a moron, to go do something more socially productive, some kind of tiny little idea would come to me. Like an idea the size of a word, sometimes. I would take that word and I would bleed it dry, man. I had no choice. I had to write. So I did. And it was one of the MOST FUN MONTHS of writing I’ve ever had in my life. I wrote all kinds of completely crazy things, purely because I absolutely had to, and I found so many exciting things in my brain that I had no idea whatsoever were there until I made myself find them out of desperation.
It was like when you finally clean out a closet for the first time in ten years and you find your favorite old pair of jeans, a packet of love letters from your favorite old boyfriend, and five hundred dollars you knew you hid somewhere but you couldn’t remember where. Not that that exact thing has ever happened to me but I can just imagine if it did. It turns out I can imagine quite a lot. And I’m here to tell you, you almost certainly can as well, if you’re willing to sit around like an idiot for a few hours every day, gently weeping from frustration, and then write something utterly insane. I’m just sayin’.
I don’t know what I’m going to do now but it should probably be something else super fun that involves writing. First I’m just going to take, like, one day off, though. I feel I owe myself that much. Man. What a month. February. Thanks for sticking with me.